Sunday, April 22, 2007

BY AMY WHITESALL

News Staff Reporter

When Pam Stout left her business administration job at the University of Michigan to stay home with her three children, she thought she would instantly step into the cape and boots of Supermom.

There were days, though, when responding to the demands of a newborn, a preschooler and a kindergartner felt more like juggling kryptonite.

"I think raising a family is tougher than we like to admit,'' Stout said. "And I think a lot of times parents think it ought to come naturally and that everyone else knows how to do it better.''

In 2001 she heard renowned parent educator and author Chick Moorman speak at a conference. Moorman's common sense Parent Talk program is based on simple language skills - little tweaks to the way parents speak that foster responsible and accountable behavior in their kids.

Stout was so intrigued that she took a course so she could run workshops herself, .

On Saturday she welcomes Moorman and his colleague Thomas Haller to Ann Arbor for their first full-day parenting workshop in Michigan.

Q: How is Moorman's program different from other parenting philosophies out there?

A: Its purely language-based. It's the simple idea that if you can change your language, that's the first step in changing thought processes, beliefs, and then behaviors. That alone will make a huge difference in how your kids will behave. ... He's not saying, "If you follow my formula everything will be perfect.'' He admits that all these language strategies, they're not miracles. But one thing he does say is, "I can't guarantee what your kids will do. I can tell you that when you use this language you'll feel better about yourself, and that will have an effect on your kids.''

Q: We all have our habits as far as the way we react when we're upset. Are there times when you have a hard time remembering to use the right language?

A: Sure. It's like learning a foreign language. It might be awkward at first, but if you can get into the habit of speaking this way, to your kids that becomes their native tongue.

Q: What parenting situations do you find resonate with the most people?

A: I often start off saying: Remember before you were had children and you'd go to the mall or a restaurant and see some kids running loose or being obnoxious and you thought, "I will never, ever (let that happen.)'' Now one of your kids has been sick all night, maybe someone threw up on you, and you dragged them to the doctor's office and then waited 45 minutes for a prescription and you're standing in the grocery store line and you lose it. And then you realize you've become that parent.

Q: So what would you suggest in that situation?

A: We talk about managing your mind. The first thing you can tell yourself is: If my child does something embarrassing, it's not about me. It's about a child that needs to learn a lesson about something. You're thinking, "What am I supposed to do?,' but you can instead ask yourself, "Who do I want to be?'' All of us can be that crazy woman, but if you think, "I want to be a teacher,'' it can really change your approach to things.